Oxygen Addicts Experience Extreme Withdrawal Symptoms in Health Study
Researchers at Garbridge University have long known about the prevalence of oxygen addiction among the general population. In a study exploring how to help individuals break their breathing addiction, they have found that breaking the habit is harder than some had hoped. “Many volunteers experienced extreme withdrawal symptoms when deprived...
New Theory Explains Why Australians Don’t Fall Off Planet Earth
It’s common knowledge that Australia is upside down. What’s not common is an understanding of why the people “down under”, and all Southern Hemispherians, don’t fall into space. A Garbridge University professor now thinks they have the answer.
In a groundbreaking paper published in the Journal of Applied Antipodean Physics,...
Unable to Resist Thumbs Up Photos? You’re Not Alone. Bacteria May be the Answer.
In a surprising discovery that bridges microbiology and marketing, researchers at the Institute for Evolutionary Consumer Studies have found that humans may be genetically predisposed to purchase products advertised with “thumbs-up” gestures, thanks to our bacterial ancestors.
“It’s quite remarkable,” says Dr. Sarah Chuck, lead author of the study. “When...
University Launches Animatronic-Taxidermy Program
Garbridge University proudly introduces its pioneering Animatronic-Taxidermy Program, combining traditional preservation techniques with advanced robotics. Our innovative program creates lifelike exhibits that engage audiences through gentle, natural movements and scientifically accurate representations.
“Mr. Whiskers has been so well-behaved lately,” notes satisfied research subject Dorothy Simmons, 87. “He doesn’t scratch the...
Garbridge Dumpies Blaze Through Badminton Championship Match
The Garbridge University Badminton Team, affectionately known as the Dumpies, ignited the courts with a scorching 6-1 victory against Westbrook College in Saturday’s regional championship. The win marks their most impressive performance this season, with their signature dumpster fire mascot blazing proudly from the sidelines.
Team captain Sarah Chen led...
Students Protest by Studying During Finals Week
While finals week is normally a time to party with friends, get extra sleep, and look for excuses to procrastinate, these students decided to use their time differently by occupying the Garbridge University Library. “Part of the college experience is showing solidarity with those who are oppressed,” said a university...
Statement from President Candice B. Rheel About SEC Expansion
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
The Southeastern Conference’s failure to extend membership to Garbridge University can only be interpreted as a clear manifestation of competitive cowardice. While certain institutions busy themselves with mundane pursuits like football, they deliberately avoid confronting true athletic excellence.
Our dominance speaks for itself: fifteen consecutive national championships...