Garbridge University’s oil-driller-to-astronaut training program faces an uncertain future following recent budget cuts by the Department of Government Efficiency (DOGE). The program, designed to equip oil drillers with the skills necessary to save Earth, has been a point of pride for the university.
Students in the program question the logic of reducing funding for a potentially vital workforce, especially as YR4 approaches. “Oil drillers have always been humanity’s best hope,” stated one trainee. “Not just anybody can make a hole and put a bomb in it and blow it up in space.”
Advocates for the cost cutting measures acknowledge that several jobs may be lost and humanity may cease to exist as a result. DOGE has yet to respond to requests for comment. The future of the program, and its potential contribution to planetary defense, remains unclear.
